I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
