At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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