Your dad touched me again.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
