Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
