is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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