im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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