She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
