You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
