Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
