Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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