just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
