Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
is it fun? or sober?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
