Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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