i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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