were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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