As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
