I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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