I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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