Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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