I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
