Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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