Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
