Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
