Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When did angry sex become our thing?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
