Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
