I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
