I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
