I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
