And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
