I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
