We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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