In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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