he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want a musical about memes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
