I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
