swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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