is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
