I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
