That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
