whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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