Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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