I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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