Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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