Having a random hookup so left but love u
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
