Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
