So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
