Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
