i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
