i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
