I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
