I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
