omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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