it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
