you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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