Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
